Discernment Counseling

Discernment Counseling is not therapy and the goal is not immediate change.  The goals are clarity and confidence in a direction for the marriage, based on a deeper understanding of what has happened to the marriage and each person's contributions to the problems.  Typically there are 1 - 5 sessions to better understand the patterns of the relationship, increase compassion for one another, gain insights into personal growth goals regardless of the Path chosen, and determining the future for the relationship.

This is for mixed agenda couples on the brink of divorce.  Mixed agenda meaning that one parter is leaning in and wants the relationship to continue, and the other partner is leaning out, either considering divorce or are unsure if they want to stay in or work on the relationship.

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If both partners want to work on the relationship, you are ready to start couples therapy and you can jump right into that work.  If one partner has already decided they will not be continuing with the relationship, then the Path has already been chosen and Discernment Counseling will not be productive.

The first session is about 2 hours.  We will meet together for the first part of the session.  Then each partner will meet individually with the therapist to explore their own patterns, hopes, worries, the role they play in the relationship dynamics, and to identify goals for personal development.  After each private meeting the partner will share a summary of insights with their partner. 

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Sessions 2 - 5 are roughly 90 minutes.  After a brief check in, we will quickly transition to the private meetings with the therapist to continue individual exploration and understanding, followed by a brief summary of insights gained after each privtate meeting shared with their partner. 

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In the last session partners will be invited to share their goals for personal growth that they have been working on in their private sessions.  At the conclusion of the last session a path will be chosen.

At the end of this process there will be a decision of which path to choose.

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Path One - Maintain the status quo, stay married and leave things as they are with no commitment to change.

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Path Two - Separation or Divorce.

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Path Three - Six month commitment to couples therapy with a clear agenda for personal change and with divorce off the table during this time.  Both partners are leaning in to work torwards changing the relationship patterns.